My Lowest
To understand my accomplishments, I must first take you back to the very bottom and what lead me there. At the end of my senior year of high school, I was at the lowest point of my life. Yes, I was graduating, yes, I was transitioning into adulthood, and yes, I had the best support system of friends and family I could ever ask for. However, there was a time in my life when that wasn't enough. It was my senior year of Track and Field and I had been training as hard as I could for months. It was the best year of training I had ever experienced and I was ready to take the school record in the 3200m and the 1600m. It had been my goal since my freshman year. I wanted to show everyone who one doubted me that I could shine with the other top runners in the state.
This goal was so great, it became an obsession for me. I would constantly finish workouts and wonder if that were enough to get me to where I wanted to be. When my coach would tell me to take a rest day, I wouldn't listen. When I should have allowed my body to recover on long runs, I was pushing myself harder at a pace that never allowed my body to fully rest. I was never satisfied. I was constantly disappointed at the way I was racing, not realizing it was because my body was too tired to preform at the level I was capable of. I never understood that taking a rest could allow my body to recover to its full capability, I just thought I wasn't in shape yet. Therefore, I trained harder.
It didn't take long for my body to finally tell me it had enough. I had ignored every sign my body was giving me until I couldn't ignore the pain I was feeling in my left femur. However, I tried to race and train through it, only furthering the injury. Finally, a day before a big meet, I told my coach what I was feeling. I tried to run a warm up lap and could hardly finish without limping or feeling like I needed to stop. Something was horribly wrong. After talking to my coach and parents I decided it was smart to sit out. I told myself I would be back next week. Little did I know my season was over.
I went to the doctor a few days later and was immediately put on crutches. Although I was walking hours before, it was meant for precaution and rest. I was angry, embarrassed, confused, and I didn't want anyone to see me. I knew the moment I faced my team everyone was going to ask me what happened, give me their best sympathetic face and tell me how sorry they were. I didn't want any of that. For days, I didn't even come to practice. I told my coach I wasn't feeling well or that I was going to the pool to swim laps in hopes that I could keep up my fitness if I was allowed to run at the State track meet in the next few weeks.
I tried the best I could to keep my hopes up the the slightest chance that I might be able to come back to finish what I had been working so hard for. I got an MRI and waited for the appointment with my doctor that would tell me the final fate of my injury. When the news came, my heart sank. I had a severe stress injury in my left femur, I was not allowed to walk without crutches for three weeks and I might be able to start running again in six weeks. The State track meet was in two weeks. I would not be finishing the season. The work I had done all year was a useless and life suddenly felt horribly unfair.
I returned home after the appointment, curled into my bed and cried myself to sleep that night and every other night after for weeks. Although on the inside I was hurting, I did everything I could to be there for my team. I attended practices, helped my team mates with their splits, and gave them any advice I wished someone had given me a few months prior. I did everything I could to motivate and inspire them, even when I no longer felt like believing a word I was saying. I felt like an emotional mess. I was biking each morning and swimming after school every day for hours without any reason other than it was the only thing my doctors allowed me to do and it was the only thing that could get my mind off of the disparity I was feeling. I continued a repeating cycle until I made myself physically sick due to the amount of stress I was putting on my body, weakening my immune system. I was forced to stay in bed for two weeks with a flu that took not only my fitness, but everything I had left.
As I gave up on my luck and any ounce of hope I had for myself, I wondered what was to come of my future. I had already signed my NLI for a cross country and track scholarship but my college coach was unaware of my injury and I was afraid to tell him. When I finally found the courage to call him, he told me something I will never forget. He told me how proud he was of me. That was something I hadn't heard for weeks. He was proud because I was smart enough to give up a dream I had in the present, for the dreams I have in my future collegiate career. I had never thought of it that way. It was after that phone call, I realized that there is a reason for everything. I was given this injury so that I could learn now how to rest and take care of my body. I was pushed down so I could have the fire in me to get back up, better than I was before. So, as soon as I was cleared, I trained my ass off, but I did it smart. I took recovery days, I ate healthy, I slept great and I watched my fitness grow into the runner I once wanted to be. This time I was stronger, and with a huge chip on my shoulder.
I realized today its not about the luck you have that defines you, its about the attitude you have through your greatest trials. I could have taken this injury many ways, but I decided to allow it to help me grow. I am thankful for what I had to go through. Now I have more motivation than ever to prove to everyone who doubted me that I will overcome this and I will be better than they could ever imagine. Because of this event in my life, I have become an avid wellness pursuer always finding new ways to love my body and treat it the way it deserves. I have cut out many foods from my diet, and I am taking the time to allow myself the proper care and recovery I need. I love myself more than I ever have before, this is something I would have never seen possible a year ago.
